Sunday, July 31, 2011


No, my book is not a vampire story.  But let’s get one thing straight.  I was “vampire” before vampires were ever this cool.  I know there are more of you out there, am I right?  You know, Lost Boys, Anne Rice, and let’s not forget the original, the great Dracula?  I’m not knocking the new vampire fans, not at all.  If it weren’t for you, all of these new "vamp" stories would never have made it to mass market.  I will add, however, that the amount of copy-cats out there in bookstores right now is becoming close to tiresome.

In my youth, I didn’t stop to think about what drove my fascination of vampires.  But I realize now that it isn’t only their extreme good looks and charm.  It’s their immortality.  They never die.  And if they do, it’s only through over-the-top methods of killing them.  Their ability to live forever intrigued me, and still does.  For a while, I even decided that if vampires did exist, I wanted to be one.  Ahh, to live the life of the seductive, ever-youthful, powerful walking dead…

According to the Terror Management Theory, the behavior of all humans is motivated by our fear of death. Ernest Becker, author of The Denial of Death, 1973, wrote:

“The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity—activity designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny for man.”

Is this what drives us to worship a god?  Is this what drives us to seek meaning in our lives, to have and fulfill goals?  Is this what drives us to procreate and want our children to have better lives than we did?  Based on the Theory, every single thing we do as individuals and as societies is derived from our fear of mortality. 

But alas, theories are theories.  Something to consider, I suppose.  One of the greatest gifts we humans have been granted, and what sets up apart from other animals in the kingdom, is our ability as free thinkers to choose what we want to believe.  Sometimes I doubt I’ll ever fully decide.  I’m hoping I’ve got a long time to make that decision.  But if not, well, then I may not be able to tell you about it, but at least I’ll know the truth.

p.s. NO, my book is not a vampire story.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Monday, July 25, 2011

Priestess, Maggie Q

LOVE her! The movie is not awesome (although the concept IS!) But Maggie Q totally kicks butt... check it out.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Poetry circa 1990

Just to let you know that I did not just start writing...I've been writing my entire life.  I haven't written any poetry for a LONG time, and this is not my best.  But when I discovered it in an old file and read it, I realized it may have been my first glimpse of insight.  I just didn't now it yet.  A hint of something or somewhere unknown, mysterious.  I haven't changed one word from the original.  See what you think.  And no, I won't reveal how young I was in 1990.


Emptiness all around.
Here or there?
Pressureless, meaningless space.
Painless, dreamless sleep.
Sound, sight--everything white.
Cushioned, soft, pillowy.
Sinking below myself,
gliding above.
I am not me.
No one is now me.
I am nowhere.
Where is nowhere?
Emptiness all around.

T. Anderson, March 23, 1990

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

ikonicimage: MONAD

My cover artist, Corrie Gray. He's not only incredibly talented, but he's a very good friend. Check out his work at this link (above or click image below). It's pretty cool...

Sunday, July 17, 2011


What are they and what do they mean?  Obviously we’ve all heard the classic symbolism explanations, so I don’t even need to go there.  But have you really stopped to wonder where exactly our minds go when we sleep?  I met an interesting woman recently who was talking about death.  She said she wasn’t really afraid to die anymore because she finally realized that it must be much like falling asleep and dreaming.  And that wasn’t scary or bad…so voila!  No need to fear.  I thought about it for a while and you know…I think she’s onto something there.   But of course I won’t know for sure until, well…

And then there’s this whole thing about premonition dreams.  Come on, admit you’ve thought about it.  You know you’ve wondered—or feared—your dreams might come true.  Natural for us to wonder, right?  Well, I believe there’s probably a reason for that.  Why do we shrug this possibility off so quickly, as if it’s completely absurd?  Because we’ve been programmed to think that way. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, dreams are just dreams!  It’s our mind’s way of reconciling inner conflict and stress…”  Blah, blah, blah.  Yes.  That’s true—most of the time. My personal recurring dream of that sort is the Late for Band Recital and My Saxophone is Nowhere to be Found dream.  I’ve had it since I was thirteen years old and it always reappears when I’m worried about completing an important task.

But I’ve also had, on more than one occasion, dreams that were extraordinarily vivid and unforgettable—even hours or days after waking.  Dreams that I felt must be shared with someone in order to clear my conscience.  And I will freely admit that some of these dreams have actually culminated in a few, “Woah, that’s creepy…” and, “You won’t believe this but…” comments from people when they realize later that I was right on the money.  First, let me say, NO I AM NOT PSYCHIC NOR DO I THINK I AM.  And second, let me say, I AM NOT DRUNK AND DO NOT DO DRUGS, NOR DO I HAVE A HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESS. 

My point is, you don’t have to be clairvoyant or touched by angels –or whatever you’ve heard—to have meaningful dreams.  You just have to believe in the possibility that they could be telling you something more than you have repressed sexual desire or unresolved conflict with your mother.  The next time you experience a dream that makes you really pay attention, simply take a moment to recognize it.  Maybe write it down.  And don’t be embarrassed to mention it to the person you think might get something out of it.  You never know…you could change someone’s life.

Had any cool dreams lately?  Feel free to share with someone who believes in the unbelievable…post your comments below.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


I am so glad to have found this video on YouTube this morning (archived blog below).  I want to share it with you all because it describes very well what I've been trying to tell people for the last few years. And hopefully it doesn't leave you feeling uncomfortable--I've discovered that some people just aren't ready to talk about Awakening yet.  And that's OK.  You'll be ready one day.  Hopefully it leaves you feeling accepted, welcomed...on the right path.  I like how Jim Carrey describes his own experience.  (His full talk is also on YouTube as well that you can watch).  

Awakening doesn't usually simply HAPPEN and take over your whole life.  It usually causes a small stirring, plants a seed, and then reappears when you least expect it--until you are thinking about it more regularly.  Whichever stage you're in right now...just know that you're not alone.  You're not going crazy.  On the contrary.  You're very lucky.  Welcome to your Awakening!  Our Awakening...

Some of you are probably wondering at this point..."OK.  Is her book about a spiritual journey?  Am I only going to like it if I'm into reading this kind of self-help, deep meaningful stuff?"  The answer is yes and no.  My book is for everyone.  If you're into that kind of'll really like it.  If you have absolutely no interest in the metaphysical, or don't know anything about it--you'll still like it!  The characters are real.  Not pure ascended beings just sitting around talking about meditation all day.  There's murder.  Sex.  Conspiracy.  All the good stuff that makes up an interesting page turner.

Anyway, my point is that it's possible to be Awakened and still be a normal human being who is stressed out, curses, imbibes, stretches the truth, gets impatient in traffic and has an argument with their spouse or child or whoever--all at the same time.  Awakening is a journey.  It doesn't mean you're perfect.  It doesn't mean you can't have fun, that you have to become a monk/nun or take a vow of celibacy or any goofy thing like that.  It just means that you're more aware.  Let's just leave it there.  Think about it.  Have you Awakened?  


Monday, July 11, 2011

2012: The End of the World

December 21, 2012

Let's talk turkey.  12:21:12.  The date.  The rumors.  The end.  Personally, I don't believe anything catastrophic will happen.  I see it more as an opportunity.  No, not to sell books, silly!  One of the best things to come out of all this hubbub is how much it has us all talking.  We're all thinking about the "what ifs" surrounding that date.  And no matter what each of us believes will happen, we've all had the opportunity to reconcile the fact that if there is even a microscopic chance the world WILL end...we have time to think about our lives.  What we cherish.  What we want to change about ourselves.  What we're willing to accept.  The list goes on...

In case you have NOT heard about December 21st, 2012, watch the video above.  This goofy chick is entertaining and informative.  

I'd love to hear what YOU think will happen on December 21st, 2012.  Post your comments!

Monday, July 04, 2011

Tough Chicks

Don’t get me wrong—I like a good warm fuzzy as much as the next girl.  But I’ve got a surprising weakness to share with you: stories about chicks who kick major butt.  That’s right.  Don’t even think about painting me with that one-dimensional warm fuzzy brush. Come on, I know that’s what you were thinking…which is why I need to address it sooner rather than later.

Sure, if you follow my blog you’ll be getting a full dose of sentiment.  A heaping helping of nostalgia.  Probably some existential optimism.  And I couldn’t leave out my signature version of spicy spirituality.  But let’s face it—even I become bored of all that mumbo jumbo at times.  So my promise is to show you as many sides of myself as I possibly can (after editing of course). 

This brings me back to the aforementioned female toughie-type I like so much.  The kind of leading lady who possesses two opposing character traits that, when brought together, makes you either wish you were her—or wish you had her.  You know what I’m blogging about…a body with brains.  A pout with a punch.

And I never limit my favorites to the beloved superheroines.  Oh no!  I admire a good villainess just as much (sometimes more).  The mean ones.  The scary ones.  The ones you hate, but kind of love a little bit at the same time.  Hmmm…if only I could learn to channel that kind of bad-assedness in my REAL life.  I’d show that smart kid at the apple store who’s boss!  A girl can dream, right?

Some of my favorites from years gone by (and these are only a few):
Sarah Connor
Charlie’s Angels
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Ripley (Alien)
Cat Woman
Lara Croft
Sidney Bristow
Alice (Resident Evil)
Selene (Underworld)
Beatrix, Elle Driver, O-Ren Ishi (and the rest of the Deadly Vipers)

You get the picture.  These are some oldies but goodies.  Some cool kittens have made appearances in a few books I’ve read recently—and obviously a couple of new flicks as well.  I hesitate to add them to the list just yet.   It’s a sacred list. 

My love for these strong female voices resonates in my writing as well, and may or may not happen to influence one or more of the characters in my new novel, MONAD 12:21:12 The Awakening of Stella Steinar.  Guess you’ll just have to read it to find out.  Follow my blog and I may or may not give other subtle hints here and there.  For more information visit and in the meantime, if you care to comment, post some of your favorite tough chicks below.  We’ll compare notes.

Sunday, July 03, 2011


This month, one year ago, I heard Stella Steinar’s voice speak to me for the first time.  And she didn’t creep up quietly.  She demanded my attention.  She said, “My name is Stella.  Here I am!  I need to tell you how I got here…”  It was an unbelievable story.  And she started at the end of it—which was a little confusing at first.  So I began to write—literally at the moment I first heard her.  I filled numerous pages in the Sudoku book that I was puzzling over at the time.  Soon I wasn’t puzzling at all, but weaving my way around the squares with her words until I realized what I was doing.  I shook myself from Stella long enough to read my scribbles aloud to my husband. 
“Does this make sense?” I asked him.
 And he answered, “It’s intriguing…but what does it MEAN?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted.  But I knew it was something.  So I dug out a real notebook and tried to organize my thoughts—Stella’s thoughts.  It came so easily and fell so smoothly into place that it almost scared me.  I asked myself, ‘Can I really write a book—a whole entire BOOK?’  My husband answered the question for me.  And thank goodness he did.  What was stopping me?  Nothing.  Especially not Stella.  She was relentless and began to inhabit a permanent spot in my life.  She refused to let me rest.  I was unable to pry myself from her story.  And it was so engaging that I didn’t want to.  Stella had my full attention.  And as she introduced me to the other characters in her story I was pulled into her circle even tighter.  I became an invisible bystander.  It consumed my dreams and distracted me from my daily commitments. 
I quickly realized that I must always be ready…I snuck my notebook around with me everywhere in my bag in case Stella had something to tell me.  I was apprehensive at first to let anyone know that I was hiding this secret obsession.  I didn’t want to hear the doubt in their voices and didn’t want their negative influence to stop me from finishing.  But as I made progress and gained confidence, I learned that almost everyone I knew supported my goal.  And I realized this was the biggest part of what Stella was trying to tell me. 
She was teaching me to look around at the people in my life and understand that we are all connected.  Not all the connections are as meaningful as they could be…but that, in itself has meaning.   A veil lifted from my eyes and I began to see even the most random, brief encounters with people as highly impactful. 
For this reason I am looking forward to the reactions from others when they read my book.  Obviously I am hoping to grab their attention and drag them into my mysterious and provocative tale.  But aside from being entertained, I am curious to know if they get any kind of meaning out of it, or if it was solely a personal experience for me. 
Regardless, as I finished writing the story I kept the same goal:  to share Stella with my friends and family.  To share her with anyone who would read her words.  To not be afraid of failure or criticism.  To put myself out there and let people know who I am and who Stella is.  She could be any one of us…just waiting to awaken.  And I have accepted already that not everyone will “get” Stella like I did.  But even if a few do…then I have made it so much further than I ever expected to.

Cover Art by Corrie Gray